Moving Toward Celibacy

I have never had a lasting relationship with a female for more then a month. It is not that I am completely repulsive, annoying or extremely controlling. For as long as I can remember, I have never been lucky enough to fully experience a relationship with the opposite sex that was pleasing to God. Of course I have female friends and have taken them out for dates on occasion but nothing ever truly seems to come from our outings. After being hurt from one broken relationship after another I decided that I was going to give up on dating and enjoy being single. I quickly found myself no longer searching for the male/female relationship described in the Bible but turned to the worlds’ view of how men and women should interact. I was walking with the world instead of God and was finally shown on a long drive home one Sunday afternoon that God had different plans for me.

My senior year of college, sexual desires engulfed my thoughts and life. I lost my virginity, became a stereotypical male womanizer and overall turned my back to God. I never found a woman that could fill the emptiness I felt in my heart. But this did not stop me from pursing multiple “lovers.” At this point in my life I was not spending anytime with God, I did not want anything to do with his word, his life or his plan for me. I was being selfish, plain and simple, only trying to satisfy myself. With God on the backburner I was free to do with my time whatever I want, whether it was drinking, drugs or sex. While I was living the stereotypical “college experience” I found myself becoming depressed, and doubting that I would ever truly find love.

After graduating college I returned home to Hudson, Ohio. I have some of the best friends a guy could ever have, my friends back home would do anything for me. We have shared our most intimate fears but those occasions were often few and far between; while visiting the bar was a regular trend. I got a job bartending, it was the most entertaining job I have ever had but also the worst job for me spiritually. At the bar I had access to whatever I wanted, and I took advantage of this to its fullest. It took me a really long time to realize that I was only striving to satisfy the exterior needs, never realizing that it was something deeper that caused this wanting.

Moving to Indianapolis saved my life. I was heading down a very dark road that would eventually lead to me loosing my faith if I continued on it. Does this mean that I never mess up or fall back into the pitfalls of my past? No, it means that I am willing to learn from my experiences and striving to find a way to eventually live the life of purity that God wants for me. After removing myself from my old settings and throwing myself into a new place I was able to refocus and restart my life. In Galatians 2:20 it says, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Since rededicating my life to God I am not alone, even when it feels like it God is still there holding me and helping me through.

It took me over 10 years to realize that even though I am trying to live a life for Christ I have never truly believed that I was fully loved by Him. I was driving home from Chicago, I had been drinking all weekend, had engaged in some sexual activities and was truly feeling extremely disappointed in myself when God spoke to me. Not verbally, but He opened my eyes to the fact that the reason I pursued sexual desires was just in search of the feelings of love that I was able to temporarily fulfilled during these encounters. The hole that I was trying to fill with “false love” could only be satisfied by the love found when truly pursuing God.

I have never been successful in keeping a girlfriend, or becoming the leader in a relationship like I should. Unknowingly, I allowed Satan to use these memories in a way to only bring me further away from God. He found a foothold and convinced me that the only way I could happy was to do the things I wanted to, and to avoid the Christian community as much as possible. It took a little over a year, but God eventually showed me that these false thoughts would never truly satisfy the “thing” missing in my life. By fully submitting to God and engulfing myself in His love, I could start to win the fight against sexual temptation and desire.

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I took a couple months off from finishing this article; in that time I have been successfully celibate. I have still not found my soul mate, but with everyday I am striving to become the man that she will deserve when our time comes. The temptations of the flesh are constantly knocking at my door, but through accountability with friends and continual prayer, these challenges become easier to cope with.

Remember, God will never put a test in front of you that he knows you cannot pass. May God’s love be with you.



Jonas commented…

i was in the same situation 3 months back. it's not easy. but knowing that there are others just like me is a big encouragement. thank you for writing this. God Bless you..


AmberG commented…

I grew up through my teen years and early 20's trying to fill that void by jumping from relationship to relationship sometimes some of them not even making it to the relationship part but nothing could fit the hole in my heart, I felt disapointed and lonely and hurt. It has been over 4 years and God has filled that void more than any physical relationship could. God is molding me and preparing me and my future husband for His work and His glory. I have absolute faith that He will provide him because He knows the desires of my heart. Thank you Father!
Thank you for sharing your story, your right it is a long and tough road and temptations are going to be put in your path BUT remember God has a plan so keep your eyes on him and continue to pray for strength daily. God Bless



calista86 commented…

Thanks for being so honest in sharing your struggles with sexual temptation. You're not alone in that fight and I appreciate your honesty.

I have to make a comment about your choice of the word "celibacy" in your writing. Although there is quite a variance of definition for this word in wider culture, in Christian circles I think it is safe to say that celibacy describes a commitment to lifelong singleness- and therefore, no sex at all, ever. I think a better word to describe what you seem to be "moving towards" would be chastity, which can be described as a commitment to following God's standards for our sexuality- namely, restraint before marriage and monogamous, God-honoring sex that builds oneness in marriage. That is a commitment I can get excited about!



FriarTuck commented…

I just read this article, as it was "related" to another one. I too have struggled with my "love" life. I've only been in a handful of relationships, and only one of those was a serious one (three years, a mixture of wonderful bliss and unpleasant heartache). I also relate (very much) to sexual temptation (and the soreness that comes with realizing the emptiness that can follow). It has been several months since my last relationship ended (the serious one), and most of my time has been spent in sadness, confusion, and overwhelming loss of self. I seemed to be searching for my identity within a relationship, and felt faceless and unimportant in my singleness. I had an awakening after reading Sex God by Rob Bell, and several articles about celibacy. At the moment I am praying and musing on the idea of celibacy, living my life for Christ, and fellow man, living agape as a verb. I am exploring the idea along the lines of 1st Corinthians chapter 7, and just exploring the idea has opened my heart up in countless ways. I'll pray for you, brother. If you're still in Indiana, we may bump into each other, though we won't know it.


2starbabies commented…

Yes! Been there done that! Celibacy solved a lot more problems than it caused! Many people told me they were a Christian then tried to do the deed. What a world!

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