Why There's No Such Thing As a Soul Mate

If your soul is waiting for its one, perfect match, it's going to be waiting for a long time.

I got an email from a young man who was feeling frustrated with relationships. He had recently asked a girl on a date and had been turned down. She explained to him that she was waiting for her “soul mate.” Apparently, she didn’t think he was the one.

My heart goes out to this young man, because it always stings to get turned down—no matter how spiritual or holy the rejection may be. I’ve met more than my share of young men and women who are sitting around, waiting for their soul mate. As though one day, there will be a magical knock on the door and “poof,” their soul mate will be waiting.

The Soul Mate Myth

I think this philosophy of a “soul mate” has done far more harm than good in our society. First and foremost, it’s a concept that is rooted in ancient mythology. Story has it that the gods split human beings as a form of punishment for their pride. Since then, human beings have been on the search to find their “soul mate” in an attempt to reach completion once again. Ancient mythology declares that there is this unspoken knowledge—some sort of feeling a person experiences when they come face to face with their soul mate. It’s the idea that we’re half-full people waiting around for someone else to complete us.

I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t sound very healthy to me.

feelings come—and then feelings go. Those who build their relationships on the foundation of “feeling” will find that when the rain comes, their love quickly crumbles.

Beyond the fact that the term is founded completely in fairy tale, it’s also entirely unbiblical. It is a title that is promotes “feeling” and “energy” that attracts one person to another. It’s a dangerous concept because it fools you into believing that love and marriage hinge on emotional ecstasy. And even more detrimental, it gets you to believe that you are incomplete until you come face to face with the love of your life.

There's More to Forever Than Feelings

How long will it take us to learn that feelings can’t be trusted? They may help point us in the right direction, but they should NEVER be the sole foundation on which an entire relationship is based. Because at the end of the day, feelings come—and then feelings go. Those who build their relationships on the foundation of “feeling” will find that when the rain comes, their love quickly crumbles.

All over the world there are Christian young men and women waiting for that magical moment when they will come face to face and eye to eye with the person that will stir their heart and connect deeply with their soul. For the one who will complete them and make them whole.

There is no such thing as a person who will complete our souls, because according to God’s word, we are only made complete in Him.

There is no such thing as a person who will complete our souls, because according to God’s word, we are only made complete in Him.

Healthy relationships begin by understanding this completeness. They are based on positive interactions, effective communication and an emotional give-and-take with another human being that reflects health and wholeness. They are founded in faith, rooted in good choices and grounded in hard work and a whole lot of grace.

Don’t get me wrong—healthy relationships will always come with an abundance of healthy feelings, passion and romance—but they may not always start with those emotions.

True Love

If you’re waiting to meet that person that will trigger some sort of magical moment inside of you that will dub them as your “soul mate” or “the one,” there’s a good chance you’ll be waiting for a long, long time. Instead, do yourself a favor and begin to make connections with the people God has placed in your life. Get to know yourself, and then get to know people of the opposite sex who have the qualities you are looking for in a future mate.

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Don’t freak out if the feelings aren’t magical or mystical, because frankly, they were never intended to be. Look for qualities, traits and characteristics that are attractive based on the things you know you need and want in a relationship. Find a relationship that emits healthiness, wholeness and respect. Take it one step at a time, and be assured that in a right relationship. feelings will always be present, but they can never be the foundation of a healthy relationship.

True love is based on a healthy combination of facts and feelings, and a whole lot of good choices. May God give you the wisdom to choose well.

This article was originally posted at truelovedates.com

Top Comments

Michael Lucero


Michael Lucero commented…

I have been saying this for years! I think this concept is responsible for ruining a myriad of relationships that might very well have been otherwise good and worthwhile.

The idea that somewhere out there is the 100% perfect person for you, who was meant for you, who will fit you like a key in a lock, is kind of a cop-out. The only real soulmate is the one you’re with. Anything else is disloyalty and unfaithfulness — it’s jumping ship before even leaving the harbor. Because it’s impossible for any relationship to never go wrong, and the moment it does, the idea of soulmates gives us the license to think, “Oh, well, I guess they aren’t my true soulmate after all,” and begin to look in other places and think thoughts that are essentially foreign to love. So it ends up being a self-fulfilling prophecy. People don’t fall out of love. It’s thoughts like these, and the failure to reject them and guard ourselves against them, that cause us to step outside of love.

I also think it’s unhealthy because it suggests that love should be easy. It isn’t, and it won’t ever be. It's a challenge, it’s something that you won’t always want to do, but it will always be something worth doing. The more different the one we love is from us, from how we imagined our “true soulmate” would be, the more we'll be challenged. Real love will push you, make you grow, take you to places outside of yourself that you’re not comfortable in, that you never dreamed of going and you’re even now not entirely sure you want to go. But it will always be worth it.

But you’ll never know if you bail at the first sign they aren’t the person you thought they were.

Michael Lucero


Michael Lucero commented…

Rosa, I think the fact that God created men and women to be with each other means that the two are perfectly complementary, made to fit together. That doesn't mean there is one particular man or woman made for each and every person. Otherwise, how are we to read Paul's endorsement of the single life? Doesn't this view of soulmates disparage people who are single, and never intend to marry? Also, if your soulmate dies, then what are we to say? That you should remain single for the rest of your life, since your soulmate is gone and you won't ever find someone else as perfect for you as they were? Or can their be multiple soulmates? The more we talk about it, the more we break it down, the more paper-thin the entire concept seems. My favorite author, J.R.R. Tolkien, wrote this in a letter to his son, and it's stuck with me ever since I read it: "The real soulmate is of course the one you're with."


Dave Carroll


Dave Carroll commented…

Well, I've been with my soul mate now for nearly 40 years. Funny, she did not look or act anything like I had imagined. And, she came just as I had decided God would not bring me a soul mate. Soul mates come in different flavors - Some are to be your divine friends. Perhaps others are little more than a warm passing smile. In any event soul mates help each other on their journey home.

Benedict Sanders


Benedict Sanders commented…


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Sam R Newton


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Ogudugu Temple


Ogudugu Temple commented…

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Michael Johnson


Michael Johnson commented…

Fantastic as usual! Keep up the great work, Debra! Keep sharing her work, Relevant! Sharing this post with the Future Marriage University (FMU) community at https://www.facebook.com/FMUniversity.

As for those who perhaps struggle with the idea that God will just tell them who to marry, check out this quick FMU video: http://tinyurl.com/LoveEd041.

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