Error message

Notice: Undefined index: und in BeanBagLatestMedia->view() (line 172 of /home/relmag/public_html/sites/default/modules/bean_bag/plugins/bean/bean_bag_latest_media.inc).

Notice: Undefined variable: summary in BeanBagLatestMedia->view() (line 176 of /home/relmag/public_html/sites/default/modules/bean_bag/plugins/bean/bean_bag_latest_media.inc).

Where Is God During Infertility?

Learning to trust what you can't see yet.

Sunday in church my pastor said something that landed on me like a ton of bricks. My pastor is dealing with Crohn's Disease and he had a bad week.

Toward the end of his sermon on Matthew 5:11-16 he said, "I don't want to waste Crohn's."



That line was like an arrow to my heart.



My wife Christine and I have been trying since December 2014 to have a baby. Both of us are sick of waiting. We've done multiple tests, taken drugs and done procedures, some of which she's written about before.

Christine has written about how each period ends a sentence we didn't want to end, how each month she hurts and aches for a baby. But here we are approaching two years later and nothing has changed.

We're not alone in this. It's not something talked much about, but 1 in 8 couples deal with it.

And this situation is why what my pastor said bothered me in such a great way.



I don't want to waste infertility.

Our infertility must shine and glorify God.

If He is the light of the world and we are the light of the world, then He must shine in us through infertility. If everything works for my good and His glory then infertility must, too.



I can't let my experience be only grumbling. Will we grumble to God about this? Absolutely. Where else can we go with our trouble?

But I refuse only to grumble about this. Is infertility in and of itself a good thing? No, I don't think so. But I know that God is up to something.



There must be glory in out infertility.



If everything works for my good and His glory then infertility must, too.

I don't know how, but I trust that when I look back on this it will be like flipping over a cross stitch. I trust that God not only knows what He's doing but that what He's doing will be glorious.



I trust that if and when Christine gets pregnant it will be with our child planned for us. I trust that when we adopt we will adopt our child planned for us.


I trust that God sees our tears, hears our groans and feels our pain, yet loves us enough to give us only the best.


This doesn't mean we'll stop trying. This doesn't mean each month's cruel negative announcement doesn't deeply hurt. But this does mean that I don't want to look back at this period of infertility and realize I wasted it.

I, by the grace of God, will live, either in this life or the next, to experience the glory of our infertility.



Disclaimer: If you're experiencing infertility and can't find the ability to trust God in it most days, welcome to the club. This post was written on one of my good days.

Top Comments

Adam Schweitz

2

Adam Schweitz commented…

My wife and I Have been trying for 3 going on 4 years. We have had 2 miscarriages and an ectopic. The last miscarriage happened Just before Easter. We went in for our first ultrasound, only to be rushed back into the doctors office with the tech having a worried look. our baby didn't make it. This was "Good Friday".

Sunday morning, Easter Morning, we had our "Celebrate Hope" Easter Service. I was supposed to stand up and give my testimony about overcoming suicidal thoughts as a teen and how I had my hope in Jesus and how God was now using me to reach teens as youth pastor.

I had told my senior pastor, and he asked if I needed to not speak that morning, but 1 of my students was giving his testimony and I was supposed to interview him to help with his stage fright, and help him tell his story. So I stood up, ready to tell about the hope i had found as a teen, and I felt as though God was asking me to be honest. By the grace of God, my senior pastor's wife and another lady in the church felt God call them to sit with my wife, because I had no time to prepare her for what I was about to say, I wasn't prepared myself.

I began to share the story of our "Good Friday". How i had to sit in an ultrasound room and a doctors office while they told my wife and I that once again we had lost another child. How, I was struggling to find my hope. How much it hurt.

I remembered reading an article about another couple who had struggled, and how sometimes in life we are in a situation like "Good Friday". you see, the only reason we call it "Good Friday" is because we know the outcome. but that Friday morning was one of great pain and suffering, not just for my Jesus who gave his life on the cross, but for the friends and family members who would mourn him... but Sunday was coming.

For my wife and I, we were in our "Friday", but the wonderful news, is that Sunday is coming! you may be in a "Friday" moment, in pain in suffering, or maybe you have begun the healing process and it is saturday. but either way, SUNDAY IS COMING! Our hope is real, because on the third day, Jesus rose from the grave, He had paid the price, and the check cleared! and even though I was in a "Friday" moment, I had Hope, I could Celebrate Hope, because I know that my God is bigger than my "Friday".

I shared this with everyone there in that morning service, I was brutally open, in a way that I don't think i ever have been with a congregation. When we gave the altar call, several people committed their lives to Jesus, and a few of them said that my testimony was the tipping point.

I know that God is bigger than my "Friday", I don't want to waste our infertility either. Sunday is Coming!

2 Comments

Adam Schweitz

2

Adam Schweitz commented…

My wife and I Have been trying for 3 going on 4 years. We have had 2 miscarriages and an ectopic. The last miscarriage happened Just before Easter. We went in for our first ultrasound, only to be rushed back into the doctors office with the tech having a worried look. our baby didn't make it. This was "Good Friday".

Sunday morning, Easter Morning, we had our "Celebrate Hope" Easter Service. I was supposed to stand up and give my testimony about overcoming suicidal thoughts as a teen and how I had my hope in Jesus and how God was now using me to reach teens as youth pastor.

I had told my senior pastor, and he asked if I needed to not speak that morning, but 1 of my students was giving his testimony and I was supposed to interview him to help with his stage fright, and help him tell his story. So I stood up, ready to tell about the hope i had found as a teen, and I felt as though God was asking me to be honest. By the grace of God, my senior pastor's wife and another lady in the church felt God call them to sit with my wife, because I had no time to prepare her for what I was about to say, I wasn't prepared myself.

I began to share the story of our "Good Friday". How i had to sit in an ultrasound room and a doctors office while they told my wife and I that once again we had lost another child. How, I was struggling to find my hope. How much it hurt.

I remembered reading an article about another couple who had struggled, and how sometimes in life we are in a situation like "Good Friday". you see, the only reason we call it "Good Friday" is because we know the outcome. but that Friday morning was one of great pain and suffering, not just for my Jesus who gave his life on the cross, but for the friends and family members who would mourn him... but Sunday was coming.

For my wife and I, we were in our "Friday", but the wonderful news, is that Sunday is coming! you may be in a "Friday" moment, in pain in suffering, or maybe you have begun the healing process and it is saturday. but either way, SUNDAY IS COMING! Our hope is real, because on the third day, Jesus rose from the grave, He had paid the price, and the check cleared! and even though I was in a "Friday" moment, I had Hope, I could Celebrate Hope, because I know that my God is bigger than my "Friday".

I shared this with everyone there in that morning service, I was brutally open, in a way that I don't think i ever have been with a congregation. When we gave the altar call, several people committed their lives to Jesus, and a few of them said that my testimony was the tipping point.

I know that God is bigger than my "Friday", I don't want to waste our infertility either. Sunday is Coming!

Janine

11

Janine replied to Adam Schweitz's comment

Wonderful that you shared your true story with the congregation. Only when we are being "real" with our struggles will people truly know that Christ is our only light in this dark world. To tell people who may see a "happy smiling Christian" in front of them that you do in fact suffer greatly but still believe in God and follow Christ is the best testimony you can give to people who are searching for hope in a lost world.

Please log in or register to comment

Log In